1. 7
    Nov

    Fighting

    Today is friday. I have quite a terrible sleep because i keep dreaming. Its hurts but its okay. It pains me greatly when realization strucks and i am left grasping at the straws. I am strong arent i. I can get through this. What is this? this is nothing. It pales in comparison with everything else..i can fight this pain. So grief again, then pick myself up. I can be okay all over again.

  2. 7
    Nov

    I am finally on the way home after a day half chock with meetings. Eh the term should be half-choked, since i am pretty much ready to be choke to death with demands up till my neck. Some people are just so irritating and stubborn like old people. Grr.

    But all in all, i am happy. I really am. A good day whereby i knocked off it time!

    :)

  3. 6
    Nov

    Today is a happy day, methinks.

    Yep right. How i wish i wrote that with utmost honesty. I didnt. I admit. Today is a day filled with weird turmoil and stress. Stress in my heart, anxiety strumming in my veins, panic streaming through my pores. Something is troubling me. And i know the reason why. I refuse to acknowledge. I simply want to shut down. I have these black shutters in my mind. Everytime i thought of the unspoken realm, these black shutters came rambling down, shutting all the feelings that suddenly seemed magnified. The pain drummed along, the sadness, the helplessness. There is always something about feeling sad and grief over a particular someone but this person doesnt knows. Probably doesnt even care to know. I am feeling indignant., i really am. Where is all the fairness in all of this? Why do i need this person to determine my mood of the day, if i am happy or sad, cheerful or cheeky. Why do i need another external factor to make my day? To measure my level of happiness? Why? This is  wrong, i so know for sure. Yet, now many months down the road, i am still rooted to the spot i was back earlier this year. Why hasnt i change? Why am i not moving towards betterment? I know he is not good for me, he is filled with poison and of everything negative. I should be running to the hills. I should be. So why am i not?

  4. 5
    Nov

    Today it rained the most part later in the day. It decided to rain when i was packing up and ready to go home. As usual, my purple polka dot brolly did not help much but i love it because it is so skinny. The cold was maddeningly, i thought i was becoming a iceberg.. seriously. I huddled inside my umbrella but the wind was like slashes across my uncovered arms and legs. Pretty horrible if you asked me :(

    Rainy days are so dreary. It makes me sad. I thought of you alot. Mostly bad stuffs. You looked happy. So why am i different? I swore i didnt even know if i ever did love you. I always knew what i love the most: The idea of being in love.

    Sad but true. At 25 years, i still dont learn a damn thing about loving.

  5. 5
    Nov

    I am never the kind of girl who is brimming with positivity and scattering sunshine whenever she goes. My mood is influenced easily by my peers. I am seldom the leader, always the follower. I never do as what i preached. I am cautious in giving, selfish even, yet careless in my work. I dont love freely. I dont give without taking. But once i decided to love, i try to give my all. My love gets the most of me. I will want to try new things with this person, give him all i can, love him with the best of me. I am fickle like that. I am impatient, but never towards the one i decided to give. I am hardly a good person. Whines and cries make me impatient. I am hardly always happy. I contradict between left or right, blue or pink, happy or sad, nice and nasty, almost everyday. I am full of flaws, sometimes am too grey to be noticed, often the wallflower, nice to some but fake to the rest.

    This is me.
    So will you love me?

  6. 4
    Nov

    I want to say that today is an amazing day… but it isnt really. I started having tummyaches in the morning and this continued on for like, 5 times throughout the day. :( darn it. Its bad enough that today is a OSIM!! On a happier note, this might mean that tomorrow i can go on MC due to a bloated stomach.

    Oh joy.

    On a totally random note, i am so super excited to receive my hp case!! Hehe i am excited on little stuff like that, it is so very sad.

    Nevertheless.. tmr will be a great day. :)
    And i need a haircut soon!!!

  7. 2
    Nov

    Saturday

    Had a pretty good day spent w family!
    Basically, went to the temple, ate japanese curry for luncheon, watched Thor (awesomeee by the way!), shopped around, and ended the day at Da’s house armed with bubble tea and Star Trek dvd and afterwards had Thai for dinner!  Yum. I love thai food!

    This week, i have been to 3 movies and this is so rare lately because i seem to seldom watched movies so frequently anymore… ever since i become single. Ahem. Somehow, its pretty hard to find friends to watch shows with me with reasons being most of them had their someones to watch with. And i dont. I refused to play pity party on myself. Really. Want to watch a movie? I decided that i will go anway, even if it means watching by myself. So on friday, i had an early release from work and i have ample time before the next appt, and i went to catch The Escape Plan! Alone. It was good too ^^

    I realized that sometimes, it is really okay to be doing such things by myself. It is important that i can be with just myself so i can be happy just being alone too. I am still practicing… so, wish me luck! :)

  8. 1
    Nov

    The List

    I decided that i really need a list to keep track of all my current thoughts.

    1. Change my job
    2. Join a gym
    3. Do voluntary work
    4. Bring Mum out more for good food and shopping
    5. Make new friends
    6. If possible, refrain from meeting new jerks
    7. Go out more
    8. Work on being less tired - vitamins, more fruit juices?
    9. Stop buying hp cases
    10. Strict skincare regime
    11. Strict body cream slathering
    12. Clear out the Rilaks that were given to me by the ex (They are still on my bed)
    13. Mass send resumes
    14. Hang out with happy, positive people who love life
    15. Clear out some clothes i will most likely never wear again
    16. Be nicer to people, especially family members
    17. SAVE MONEHHHHHHHHH
    18. Read more books
    19. Make an effort
    20. Do not feel inferior whenever i find myself in circumstances whereby i have to dine or watch a movie alone
    21. Find a guy whom we shared mutual feelings
    22. Eat my omega threes timely
    23. Be faithful to good skincare products
    24. Clean my makeup brushes often
    25. Stop buying clothes
    26. Stop wanting everything
    27. Stop evolving my thoughts/feelings/world around the ex
    28. Slack whenever i need
    29. Go fix my pending appointments
    30. Do not miss appts unless absolutely necessary.

    Uh heh. Super long list! *Shiny eyes

  9. 30
    Oct
    Super good movie in my opinion! I was pretty amazed by how creative the creators are.. simply too good to be missed! And i was glad that we got to watch this for free hehe. Free things made everything much more awesome! We were laughing so much.. and this made my kind of awful day so much better. So my day ended pretty well today :D 
How was yours?

    Super good movie in my opinion! I was pretty amazed by how creative the creators are.. simply too good to be missed! And i was glad that we got to watch this for free hehe. Free things made everything much more awesome! We were laughing so much.. and this made my kind of awful day so much better. So my day ended pretty well today :D

    How was yours?

  10. 29
    Oct
    I love the above quote!
today is a pretty bleak day… and all i can remember is that  i am always hungry! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day but i always didnt eat enough. Just simply oatmeal doesnt fill my tummy! So by lunch time i was starving so we had nasi lemak. My favourite stall there!  Yums.
Day 4 of using Drx. Not putting the right products at the places where i need it most is not exactly helping. My skin is dry and luckily not tight since i switched back to my old cleanser. But the raised clogs looked so annoying! 
I keep visualizing smooth shiny skin like an egg. Persevering much!! I always envy others too much for having nice smooth skin. May i see results soon!

    I love the above quote!

    today is a pretty bleak day… and all i can remember is that  i am always hungry! Breakfast is the most important meal of the day but i always didnt eat enough. Just simply oatmeal doesnt fill my tummy! So by lunch time i was starving so we had nasi lemak. My favourite stall there!  Yums.

    Day 4 of using Drx. Not putting the right products at the places where i need it most is not exactly helping. My skin is dry and luckily not tight since i switched back to my old cleanser. But the raised clogs looked so annoying!

    I keep visualizing smooth shiny skin like an egg. Persevering much!! I always envy others too much for having nice smooth skin. May i see results soon!

avatar_96
I know that this world isn't always the safest place. I wanted to write this down, because we could die tomorrow; And you will never know, just how much you meant to me. ♥

& every time i think of you i'll blow kisses to heaven, from my heart to yours
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